I woke up this morning with a sense of time. The pain of getting out of bed mixed with the knowledge that the night will come soon gave me an unreal sense that I’m a slave of time! We can’t go back to the past. We can’t know what will happen in future. But yet our present choices will determine everything, our past and future.

Sometimes the things we desire can be like a 7 year old’s desire to drive a car. Its not impossible, just not the right time, at least from his/her parents’ point of view.

Disappointments and delay will make us sick. So between our disappointments and the fulfilments of our desires, there is a place of waiting. Some people choose to whine through it, some get themselves busy with things, others just walk through it quietly and hopefully. What are you doing while you wait?

Hope deferred makes the heart sick: but when the desire comes, it is a tree of life. – Proverbs 13:12

1. Lose yourself. As often as you can, daily if possible (1 Corinthians 15:31).

It means that you forget about that nasty remark, that disappointing experience and stop focusing on the fact that your expectation was not met. The level of our happiness is determined by how well our expectations are met. Control your expectations or they will master you.  Never however, fall into the extreme of isolation and having no expectations – that will make life meaningless.

2. Live for others (Galatians 2:20)

Train yourself to be empathetic – the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another (Websters).

The origin Greek word empatheia literally means passion. For a Christian, it is the passion of Christ. That is the reason why Jesus introduced the paradoxical command of praying for our enemies.

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. – Galatians 2:20

Meowie appears calm. Both did not comment verbally on the episode because they can't.

Rumors squashed: Nothing romantic here.

Snowy sitting by the window. Visibly shaken after the media episode, he vows never to be in a relationship again.

But it is also a deeper reflection of the state of humanity. Again mirrored in the children every Saturday. “Teacher Alvin, he/she [SOME ACT OF VIOLENCE OR VERBAL ABUSE] !”. Maybe its an innate leadership instinct gone wrong. We want to poke into everything and police everyone but ourselves.

Anyway I don’t think Snowy is having an affair with Meowie. He knows what Oslo is capable of. But I really need to get them out of the same bed soon! People talk.  Will upload photos soon!

Last Saturday I told the children that if they come for lessons only to countdown and hope to go home, they might as well leave right now. I realised its the same feeling you get when you’re in the office. Like the children, I probably cannot bear the consequences if I “leave right now”. So we are not that different after all.

I still wonder if God created time directly (as a cause) or if time was the  effect of creation. It is the only dimension we haven’t conquered and adults and children struggle with it everyday. Can you imagine everything happening at once? There’s really no point living.

As we wait for our hopes and dreams to come true, there’s something at the present that we were destined for. Then why the impatience? We’re always waiting for “our calling” and that big fat cheque. Maybe we’re just called to do whatever and wherever we are placed. Little by little.

Can we enjoy the journey? I don’t want to reach there yet.

The HDB talk on home office scheme today was madness. Shouldn’t be too surprised. People losing their jobs and our obsession with material betterment. Quite impressed with some of the sole proprietors who had questions during the QnA. So eloquent and asked questions I didn’t understand. Haha.

The “Me too!” era is here!

I walked out of office today lamenting to God in my heart about how the growth of the church is her biggest success and failure at the same time. The revival of the protestant work ethic is the most effective way to draw the modern crowd into the reality of the gospel. But to cope with this expansion, the body of Christ has inevitably built a machine.

Like a good computer hacked and spyware-d, this machine is becoming the bane of the true Christian experience. It is obsessed with order and perfection. It feeds on the church’s economy of scale to grow mindlessly. It creates contemporary Pharisees and burned out followers. While the nett result is a positive growth in terms of church attendance, the attrition rate also grows. But it is statistically acceptable for the machine, as long as there is more than one replacement for every lost again sheep.

I’ve been fighting the temptation to be controlled by this machine. I had to remind myself not to be Pharisee-cal. I even suggested to God more comfortable ways I can serve Him. But when I think about the hope Andrew and Huiying have. The wonderful ambitions of Sharlene. The potential of Kenneth. The efforts of Felicia. The faith of NJ and Lynn. I remember the essence again. The demands of the machine pales in comparison to their destinies.

Jesus said, “Feed my sheep. – John 21:17

The fellowship has finally begun.  Huiying and Andrew have been such supportive darlings. Kenneth’s on fire for things of God.  Sharlene has been an awesome friend and sister – I’ve always wanted a sister! Felicia’s keeping up the good fight of faith.  Seow Chean has unexpectedly decided to join us in our journey with God. 

The teething problems so far have been manageable. Praying for greater unity and all of us to share the ’stunts’ God will perform in our lives! More entrants to this fellowship soon!

Even youths grow tired and weary,and young men stumble and fall;but those who hope in the LORD  will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary,  they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:30-31

Yet I still belong to you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny. – Psalms 73:23-24

Lunchtime today led me to understand why I’ve been so upset with my direct but very distant leader. The heated political talk about national interests vs. personal interests made me realize that at the heart of relationships are our differences in priorities.

Today it seemed impossible for me to understand the gap between me wanting to make disciples and the top leadership’s obsession with percentage figures. I appreciate the lessons he has to share but definitely not his indifference to my life – not as a CGL but as a person. I wished he were more than just a textbook in my journey.

Thankfully, God responded quickly – before I continued to entertain the thoughts that maybe this was a mistake. Derick’s enthusiastic sharing of his own experience and Mei’s comforting support held my chin up for the morning.

God compelled me to make an active choice today to listen to Him. And so, with the support of my better half and muting the voice of the world, I decided to be very happy because Mei reminded me – God is my boss!